You know that feeling, when you're just "in a groove?"
Life is going smoothly,
each day starts and ends with a smile,
you feel content
That was how I felt for most of the summer. I was in a groove.
Although there were moments that made me want to pull my hair out, I loved being home with my boys. We had a great routine established; one that included plenty of time for playing and cuddling.
As the summer came to a close, I started to get very anxious about returning to work. But I told myself to "put on my big girl panties" and get over it (or maybe that was a coworker who told me that.) LOTS of mommies work, and many, many women deal with the same struggles that I dealt with as a working mom. Plus, I only teach part time, so I should count my blessings, right?
Then, the week before school started, I got my daycare contract. I love my in-home childcare provider - seriously, love her. But stupid me, I had never actually added up how much it would cost for TWO boys instead of one. And when I compared those numbers to my paycheck, it was depressing. Really depressing.
And on the teachers' first day back, I was miserable. I just kept thinking, "Why am I here? Why am I away from my boys?" I like teaching, I really do, but I like being with my boys more. I racked my brain trying to think of a way that working part time really benefited me or my family. Of course, there were some small benefits, but none of them seemed worth it.
By noon that first day, I was talking to my principal about it. She was very understanding - she had stayed home when her boys were little, too. I went home and talked to my husband, family, some close friends, and God, and woke up the next morning absolutely sure that I needed to resign.
So, the day before school started, I submitted my resignation.
The timing was terribly awkward, and really unheard of around here. My contract (and conscience) said that I had to stay until a suitable replacement was found and after the school board meeting Wednesday night, the search for a new TAG teacher can officially begin.
It's really a bittersweet time for me. I have been teaching as I normally would, and there have definitely been moments of joy at school. Like I said, I like teaching. I will miss my students, their families, my coworkers, and the community I've come to know over the past few years.
But I can. not. wait. to get back into the groove.