xmlns:og='http://ogp.me/ns# On the Banks of Squaw Creek: Worry and Prayer

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Monday, April 16, 2012

Worry and Prayer

For a couple months now, I’ve suspected that Isaac was sensitive to gluten.  Crackers in the evening leads to a gassy, sleepless baby at night.  So, at his one year appointment, I had the doctor do a blood test to check for gluten intolerance.
Adam and Isaac on Easter
The next morning, Dr. S. called to let me know that he didn’t have the results of the gluten test back, but that Isaac’s platelet count was high.  It was probably because of a recent virus, but when I googled it, I saw that it can also be a sign of celiac disease.

And I freaked out.  I thought he was gluten intolerant, but celiac disease is much more serious, and I kind of had an “it can’t happen to us” mentality about it.  But when I learned about his platelets, the possibility of full-blown celiac disease seemed much more real.
We had to wait a few more days to get the gluten blood test back and recheck his platelets, but in the meantime, I had visions of cleaning out the pantry, reading every label for the rest of my life, and packing special snacks for preschool and beyond.
I shed a few tears, turned on the radio and deep cleaned my kitchen.  While I was cleaning, something from pinterest popped into my head…

Now, let me tell you, praying was not my first instinct.  I am a worry-er.  I try to remember to pray instead of worry, but it’s not automatic yet.  (Will it ever be?)
But anyway, I prayed. 
My prayer was not particularly sophisticated or eloquent, but it calmed me down and helped put things in perspective.
God, please help me remember that you have a plan for us. Help me accept that I may never know exactly what that plan is.
Help me focus on the things that I can control, and leave the rest in your hands.
Thank you for all the blessings you have given me – especially my beautiful boys.  Give me the strength and energy I need to be the best mom I can be.
Help me be supportive to other moms going through tough times.  Help me turn this hard time in my life into a blessing for others.

It worked.
No, it didn’t magically heal Isaac and make him able to eat bread and sleep comfortably, but it was a definitive moment of peace.  It enabled me to get through the next few days without having too many breakdowns.
Isaac’s first blood test for gluten came back negative (hooray!) and his platelets dropped (hooray!)  We go back next week for another platelet check, and I asked for a referral to a pediatric GI because the blood tests are kind of like allergy tests – positive is positive, but negative could be positive.  I’m still worried, but through my faith in God, I know that even if things aren’t okay, things will be okay.