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Sunday, May 11, 2014

Dear Mommies,

 

I’m not an expert mommy, nor am I an incredible experienced mommy.  But this I know:

It’s okay to not love parenting.

It’s okay if your kids make you want to pull your hair out.  It’s okay if you’re exhausted and frustrated at the end of the day.  It’s okay if you hide in the bathroom to get a few minutes alone.

Because parenting is HARD WORK. 

 

My True Parenting Confessions

I tried being a stay at home mom and didn’t like it. I have trouble giving my kids my full attention. I carry guilt and anxiety over my kids’ picky eating habits.   I choose “mommy time” instead of playing a game, doing an art activity, or playing with my kids, a lot.  I cannot put the boys to bed by myself without losing it.  I only work part time, but my kids go to daycare full time.

I don’t LOVE parenting.

But that’s okay.

It’s okay to not love parenting.

It doesn’t mean you don’t love your kids.  It doesn’t mean you are a bad parent.

It doesn’t mean you are a bad parent.

 

Figuring out how to discipline a 5 year old, fighting a 2 year old to get his hair washed, trying to sleep with a baby laying cross-ways in your bed, settling sibling disputes, sitting through 2-hour-long school concerts, running your kids back and forth to a million activities after school, changing a blow-out diaper in the Target bathroom, helping a stubborn, unmotivated kid with homework…the list goes on and on.  Parenting is hard.  And often, unenjoyable.

There is no shame in not loving parenting. 

 

Happy Mother’s Day from Katie, an imperfect mom who doesn’t love parenting, and her two little boys who love her (and feel loved) anyway.

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6 comments:

  1. I feel the same way. I love my babies (7 and 9), but I'm not one of those highly engaged mom's who will get on the floor and play with the activities they want to play with. I'll ask questions once in a while and show interest in what they're doing. I'm still near them and when they come to show me something or say "Mommy look at this!" I always pay attention. I'm not good at coming up with ideas for all-day activities so I let them lead their own play. But, like you, they'll always feel loved and they'll thrive and be wonderful big people too. It's so nice to hear from someone who knows how I feel - there is no end to the Martha Stewart type moms who seem to be able to do it all and love it and bless 'em cause they rock too. Happy mother's day!

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    1. Happy Mother's Day to you, too!

      I think we're all just doing the best we can! Some of us have different skills and passions, and like you said, those moms rock, too! (But we can't all be that way!)

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  2. My children are grown and have turned out just fine. I worked a full time job, helped with the family business and was married to their dad until their early teens. He was an active dad. I'll not get into the reasons for our divorce. Suffice it to say my children love him but do not question why I divorced him. I did all I could physically, mentally, and emotionally could do for my kids but I couldn't be an "over the top" mom. I was as over the top as I could be but paled compared to others. I think my kids were better off for it.

    Today on FB a distant relative gave a shout out to all the other "supermoms" and I just cringed. Earlier this year she took a part time job at a pizza place. Then she complained how she was unable to keep up the perfect pace. I'd warned her at the time she took the job there would be a give and take. When she made the complaint about not being about to keep up "the perfect pace" I reminded her that her children were now old enough to pick up some of the slack. I'm so glad my children are grown and I'm not out there trying to be perfect. Neither one of mine have their own children but they hope to someday. Ironically with all these perfect moms out there...it is difficult for a 30 year old attorney to find a good woman to marry. Now he's getting long in the tooth.

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    1. Life is complicated, isn't it? In a perfect world, we could all maintain a "perfect pace" but that is rarely possible!

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  3. Katie, I swear my kids knew that yesterday was a really special day for moms and that they were suppose to spoil their moms rotten, so instead they were on their worst behavior ALL.DAY.LONG! Seriously, I don't know what came over them. It probably didn't help that I was tired from being up late the night before, but they both acted up in Sunday School. So much so that my brother-in-law came in to see if I needed help. He could hear them out in his adult class, which means so could everyone else. Then came nap time which I figured everyone would fall asleep right away (including mommy) since they seemed tired. But after listening to them screw around in their bed/crib for an hour, Hudson finally came in and said "come quick, Axten just threw up!" Sure enough he gagged himself enough to make himself throw up the bright blue frosting that he had eaten on his cake at lunch all down the outside of the crib and onto the carpet. So I had to make Hudson go lay on our bed and Kevin took Ax and laid on the couch (who fell asleep within a minute of laying down with daddy) and I cleaned carpet for the next 30 minutes. I finally got to nap for two hours until the phone rang and then the doorbell rang, but it was better than nothing! Then during our fun storm last night, the boys were just picking on each other constantly. Holy cow! Could definitely tell that we didn't get to wear off any energy yesterday! Once we finally got them in bed Ax did not want to go to sleep. He's usually pretty good about going to bed, so I went in and got him and we snuggled on the couch. And that made the day all better.....:) Hope you had a happy mother's day yesterday! I was definitely wanting to pull my hair out with you! :)

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  4. Yep. For me, I don't love some stages/aspects of parenting. I stole a phrase from a friend and cracked people up when I told them I was looking forward to the day when my babies could carry their half of a canoe and a conversation. :) I love noodling little squishy babies, but I'd rather have ten more independent kids than one newborn.

    And time alone without the kids? I'll take two, please. :D

    Happy Mother's Day!

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